we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
