I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
