1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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