guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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