Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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