theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pooping to opera.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
