May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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