I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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