We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
