So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
