I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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