seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
