The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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