Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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