omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
