Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
