At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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