His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
