they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
