Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
