i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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