Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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