nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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