i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
