I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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