don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
