how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize