I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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