I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
