Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
