Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
