We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
