Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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