Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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