need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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