this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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