just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm bleeding and have questions
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
