Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
