For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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