I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ttyl tear gas
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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