There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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