She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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