I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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