3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
