I heard we made out
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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