i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
