The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Terrible idea I love it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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