I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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