Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
