they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
