I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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