I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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