dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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