My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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