So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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