I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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