Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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