erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
