Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How naked do you want me to be?
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