we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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