Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
