His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
