Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
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he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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